My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
