iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
