Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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