I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i drank out of a bidet.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
