11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
