at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My ass is underappreciated
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
