sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
