Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize