Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
