Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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