the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
