I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
