Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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