new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
