I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
