Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
