Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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