You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize