May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
