My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
