Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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