Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
