My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
