he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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