marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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