so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude i'm inner monologue high
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
