I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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