He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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