I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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