WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize