Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
