At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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