u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
