I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
