Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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