And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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