i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
