i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i drank out of a bidet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
