tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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