Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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