im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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