i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
