I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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