I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
