If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize