i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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