I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
