I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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