why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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