Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize