okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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