trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
