I want to walk on stilts...naked
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
