At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
