My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
