if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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