So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
