Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
