literally had 100 drinks last night.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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