Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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