her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
high people should be assigned attendants
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
