Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
