I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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